Saturday, October 1, 2011

Session Translations

These are hilarious and a little too true -
Musician to engineer. "Could we have more band in the phones?"
Translation: "The singer is too loud in the phones !"
Singer to engineer: "I can't hear myself."
Translation. "I don't want to hear anyone but myself."
Musician to guitarist: "Can you hear yourself okay?"
Translation: "You're too loud in the phones !"
Bassist to band. "Can everybody hear the drums?"
Translation: "This band is swinging like a broken record !"
Drummer to bassist: "Can you hear the kick drum?"
Translation: "We're not locking..... !!
Bassist to producer: "Could we have more steel/fiddle/accordion in the phones?"
Translation: "I will punish the band for rushing."
Musician to producer: "Could we have more piano in the phones?"
Translation: "Your artist can't sing in tune."
Musician to writer: "This song has nice changes."
Translation. "It's amazing what you can do with two chords."
Musician to producer or artist: "This song sounds like a hit."
Translation: "This song sounds like another song."
Producer to band: "It's a feel thing."
Translation: "I know the song sucks, but the artist wrote it."
Musician to producer: "I don't think we'll beat the magic of that first take."
Translation: "Please don't make us play this again."
Drummer to band: "Should we speed up the tempo a couple of clicks?"
Translation:"Do you all intend to keep rushing?"
Musician: "Could we listen to one in the control room?"
Translation: "The way these phones sound, we might as well be listening to Radio Free Europe."
Producer to band: "Let's take a break and come back and try one more."
Translation: "I think I'm having a nervous breakdown."
Musician to producer- "Were we booked for two sessions today?"
Translation: "Another three hours of this and I may have to kill you."
Producer to band: "We're supposed to be done at six, but we've got only one more tune and I was wondering if we could skip our dinner break and work straight through."
Translation: "You'll be done at nine, and you'll be hungry."
Artist to producer: I don't like this song it really sucks."
Translation: "I didn't write this song."
Producer to artist: "Trust me. It is a good song. Radio will love it."
Translation: "I own the publishing on this song. Morons will love it.
Singer to musician: "Can you play something like (so-and-so) would play?"
Translation: "I really wanted (so-and-so) on this record."

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