35 Rules for Bands

Most of these are true and some I just now learned for myself(ouch).

1. Never start a trio with a married couple.
2. Your manager's not helping you. Fire him/her.
3. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word "recoupable" in the dictionary.
4. No one cares who you've opened for.
5. A string section does not make your songs sound any more "important".
6. If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it's time to break up.
7. When you talk on stage you are never funny.
8. If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music ("Oh, does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics?")
9. Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk. Don't do it.
10. Don't say your video's being played if it's only on the Austin Music Network.
11. When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract ever. Mention "artistic freedom" and "a guaranteed 3 record deal".
12. When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked to be let go.
13. Never name a song after your band.
14. Never name your band after a song.
15. When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, begin looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.
16. Never enter a "battle of the bands" contest. If you do you're already a loser.
17. Learn to recognize scary word pairings: "rock opera", "white rapper", "blues jam", "swing band", "open mike", etc.
18. Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both.
19. Listen, either break it to your parents or we will; it's rock 'n' roll, not a soccer game. They've gotta stop coming to your shows.
20. It's not a "showcase". It's a gig that doesn't pay.
21. No one cares that you have a web site.
22. Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.
23. Playing in Portsmouth and Nashua doesn't mean you're on tour.
24. Don't join a cover band that plays Bush songs. In fact, don't join a cover band.
25. Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?
26. Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That's what girlfriends/boyfriends are for.
27. If you use a smoke machine, your music stinks.
28. We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your mom got for Christmas.
29. Remember: if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play them?
30. If you ever take a publicity photo, destroy it. You may never know where or when it will turn up.
31. Cut your hair, but do not shave your head.
32. Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow.
33. Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat.
34. Rock oxymorons: "major label interest", "demo deal"," blues genius", "$500 guarantee", and "Fastball's second hit".
35. 3 things that are never coming back: a)gongs, b)headbands, and c)playing slide guitar with a beer bottle.

Actual Band Names...

Think you have a bad band name? It could be worse...

Furious George
Adios Pantalones
Admiral Poopy Pants and His Dancing Teeth
Armed and Hammered
Afghanistan Banana Stand
Band That Shot Liberty Valence
Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre
Caltransvestites
Cap'n Crunch and the Cereal Killers
Earthpig and Fire
Endangered Feces
The Fat Chick from Wilson Phillips
Full Throttle Aristotle
Full Metal Chicken
Goldfish Don't Bounce
Guitarantula
The Hair & Skin Trading Co.
Half Man, Half Biscuit
Hamster Sandwich
Hitler Stole My Potato
Icky Boyfriends
Jehovah's Waitresses
Jiggle the Handle
John Cougar Concentration Camp
Lesbian Dopeheads on Mopeds
Lung Mustard
Microwavable Tree Frogs
Not Drowning, Waving
Once I Killed a Gopher With a Stick
People With Chairs Up Their Noses
Pepto Dismal
Orange Juice After Toothpaste
Poop Shovel
Poultry in Motion
Queer Wookie
String Cheese Incident
Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie
Two For Flinching

Cool Site #16 - Record Label Resource

Record Label Resource is, according to their home page, "the best resource on the internet for the independent record label. It doesn't matter if you're just starting a record label or you've been running an indie label for years -- our site offers an incredible wealth of music business information and music industry contacts. We provide free, unlimited access to our extensive music industry database, with information on CD manufacturing, CD mastering, radio promotion, entertainment lawyers, and so much more."

Lots of links and info - Business Essentials, Publicity, Legal, Radio Promotion, Manufacturing, Record Companies, Mastering, Recording, Printing, Touring and Retail Marketing.

Great place to start.

Writing for Film

There are three types of music in a film...

1. Score

2. Needle Drops/Songs

3. Source

Score

Score is the composer's responsibility. It's the music under action and dialogue that's compose specifically for a movie. It is a very powerful tool to create a mood. Joy, fear, drama, can be enhanced by the properly chosen melody or orchestration. Usually this is the responsibility of one composer. Could be orchestral like John Williams' Star Wars or band-like like Lyle Workman's funky Superbad soundtrack. Or anywhere in between. No Country for Old Men, with the exception of the closing credits, had no score and it really added to the intensity of the film.

I've worked on many scores for TV and film. In this case I'm hired by a composer to play one or more of the many instruments that are in my closet. Sometimes I'm playing with a band or an orchestra, but usually I'm added after everything else has been recorded. As an overdub. I've done everything from a solo classical guitar, every note written out to a session of just making noises on a Fender bass with bottles and slides and random pieces of metal.

Needle Drops

Many movies are practically wall to wall needle drops like your typical Adam Sandler movie. Think the film "The Waterboy" - "Born on the Bayou" - John Fogerty, "Let's Groove" - Earth, Wind and Fire, etc. Famous songs can be quite expensive. Ten well known songs can cost a small fortune. But it's a great vehicle to take the audience to an era or decade. 

I'm currently working in an unofficial capacity as a music supervisor on an animated film. They don't have a budget to fill the half a dozen or so slots in the film with major songs so I was asked if I could help them find songs with lyrics that fit the scenes. That's basically the job of a music supervisor. 

I'm using this opportunity to work with some other songwriters and write some songs for placement in the film. And submit works of friends. I've gone through a lot of music and only submitted songs that are quality and also fit the spirit of the scene and the whole film. A time consuming job. Though I can often rule out a song in the first two bars. The ultimate decision falls on the director and/or the producer of the production.

For every Adam Sandler film with a $10 million budget for song placement there are fifty low budget films that have small or no budgets that afford opportunities for unknown artists and songwriters to get a song in a film. The reward? Maybe a token sync fee, some exposure and if the film airs on TV or cable some nice royalties. And a little encouragement to stay in the game.

Source

Source is the music heard in clubs or bars or coffee shops, on radios or elevators or TV's that's like score in that it's usually under action and dialogue, and like needle drops in that it can help to transport you to a time or place. It's often added in post production. Like foley. It adds realism to a scene if there is a radio in the room to have music coming from it. 

I've gotten many songs in films or made-for-TV movies in this capacity. One as a country instrumental tune in a car radio. One as a background visual when I replaced a song that a band was playing in the background of the scene, but it wasn't quite right. One a Hawaiian song emanating from a cassette deck. To name but a few. Usually there is a sync fee plus royalties on the back end for these placements.

Star Wars - John Williams

Superbad - Lyle Workman

Some other cool soundtracks - 

Oceans Eleven - David Holmes

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Jon Brion

The Green Mile - Thomas Newman

21 Grams - Gustavo Santaolalla

Session Translations

These are hilarious and a little too true -

  

Musician to engineer. "Could we have more band in the phones?"

Translation: "The singer is too loud in the phones !"

Singer to engineer: "I can't hear myself."

Translation. "I don't want to hear anyone but myself."

Musician to guitarist: "Can you hear yourself okay?"

Translation: "You're too loud in the phones !"

Bassist to band. "Can everybody hear the drums?"

Translation: "This band is swinging like a broken record !"

Drummer to bassist: "Can you hear the kick drum?"

Translation: "We're not locking..... !!

Bassist to producer: "Could we have more steel/fiddle/accordion in the phones?"

Translation: "I will punish the band for rushing."

Musician to producer: "Could we have more piano in the phones?"

Translation: "Your artist can't sing in tune."

Musician to writer: "This song has nice changes."

Translation. "It's amazing what you can do with two chords."

Musician to producer or artist: "This song sounds like a hit."

Translation: "This song sounds like another song."

Producer to band: "It's a feel thing."

Translation: "I know the song sucks, but the artist wrote it."

Musician to producer: "I don't think we'll beat the magic of that first take."

Translation: "Please don't make us play this again."

Drummer to band: "Should we speed up the tempo a couple of clicks?"

Translation:"Do you all intend to keep rushing?"

Musician: "Could we listen to one in the control room?"

Translation: "The way these phones sound, we might as well be listening to Radio Free Europe."

Producer to band: "Let's take a break and come back and try one more."

Translation: "I think I'm having a nervous breakdown."

Musician to producer- "Were we booked for two sessions today?"

Translation: "Another three hours of this and I may have to kill you."

Producer to band: "We're supposed to be done at six, but we've got only one more tune and I was wondering if we could skip our dinner break and work straight through."

Translation: "You'll be done at nine, and you'll be hungry."

Artist to producer: I don't like this song it really sucks."

Translation: "I didn't write this song."

Producer to artist: "Trust me. It is a good song. Radio will love it."

Translation: "I own the publishing on this song. Morons will love it.

Singer to musician: "Can you play something like (so-and-so) would play?"

Translation: "I really wanted (so-and-so) on this record."

Reading in the Studio

Below is a fairly simple melody. The tempo was 85 bpm. I was asked to play it on acoustic guitar and lap steel, but with not too much sliding. There was no other music just click. The other elements would be dropped in and around it later. So the challenge is to make it musical or "play it with feeling", while playing alone.

When writing for guitar one should transpose up an octave to get the desired pitch. In other words if you want the guitarist to play middle C write the C on the second space from the top as in the first note of the second line in the chart below. But often composers forget to do that so I ask. In this case the writer indeed did want it up an octave.

Also the first note in fourth bar, second line, is a D. I kept thinking Db because normally one would write C# for the note before it.

It was simple but concentration was a must as it was easy to drop into some presupposed timing. Don't predict, just read. Again it was helpful to memorize the melody for the slide part so I could look at my slide for pitches. Enjoy!

Reading in the Studio

By themselves some charts can look very simple. Until one gets to the job of making it music.

The chart below was for a cartoon, a genre whose cues sometimes make no sense until you see it with picture. Within this cue we "quote" the Beach Boys, Shaft, Eddie Cochran, Motown, Let's Go To The Hop and then into a cool beatnik jazz thing. Easy right? Pulling off a "simple" 45 second overview of the music of the fifties and sixties isn't so elementary.

Sonically the individual sections are quite simple - first, pull out the strat, clean bright electric tone for the first three (not four) bars, kick on the wah for two and a half bars of late 60's funk, back to a clean sound for two and a half bars of syncopated bar chords, to the neck pickup for "Stop in the Name of Love", then back to the bridge pickup for a pick up into the fifties "Hop" classic and lastly change to the neck again and roll off a little tone for some cool coffee shop jazz.

All this to click and with feeling.

Note the key and tempo change at bar 16. As well as the clef change in the middle of bar 11.

The other musicians on the session were more than qualified and the drummer in particular was the one who really made the transitions work.

I think I would've made Tommy Tedesco proud on this one.

Tommy Tedesco - Confessions of a Guitar Player

Tommy Tedesco - For Guitar Players Only

Cool Site #15 - musiclegalforms.com

musiclegalforms.com is a great source for cheap, diy legal forms.



Thinking about starting you're own record label? Managing artists? Publishing songwriters? Don't hire a lawyer (at hundreds per hour) go to musiclegalforms.com.

Some of the categories are General Music Business Contracts, Distribution Contracts, Live Performance Contracts, Recording Contracts, Songwriting/Copyright Contracts, TV/Film Contracts.

All for under $20!

For example - Film Sync Licensing Agreement, Royalty Release Form, Musician Work-For-Hire Agreement, Band Performance Contract Rider, Finders Fee Agreement and dozens of others.

Check it out. I've used it.

Every Gig Is a Job Interview

Most people go on several job interviews, get a job and that's it. But with side musicians, every job is an interview. Generally we are hired one gig at a time. If it doesn't go well we may not get a call back.

There are many things you can do to make sure you "get the gig" or keep the gig...

1. Be on time - I like to be early
2. Have gear/guitars all in good working order - problems happen, but strangely more often to those who don't do the prep work.
3. Turn off the phone - or at least mute it.
4. Know the music - if it's a gig that they get you mp3's beforehand - it's for a reason.
5. Have a pencil handy - make note of changes so you don't have to ask twice.
6. Be flexible - if they want you to use a different guitar or their amp... cool.
7. Be a good hang - No one wants to spend 16 hours cooped up in a studio with a jerk.
8. Access the tempo of the gig - is this "music by pound"? Or "let's try seven more amps"?

I like to think of each gig, session, lesson as an opportunity to get the next one. The people you work for will appreciate this attitude.

I remember hearing great drummer Gregg Bissonette talk about his audition for David Lee Roth. He was waiting in a cattle call situation for his turn. Several drummers were before him. One dejected drummer emerged from the audition.

"How was it?" Gregg asked.

"Man there were some crazy time signatures, 3/4 to 7/8 to 4/4 to 7/8..."

So Gregg got out his Sharpie so he could make notes on his snare head.

The next guy came out complaining that they had a double kick and he sucked at double kick. Gregg immediately started warming up his feet and calves, practicing his double-kick.

Another drummer said they were looking for a heavy hitter. He admitted his jazz chops were not going to cut it. Gregg got out his heaviest sticks. When he sat down at the set with Steve Vai and Billy Sheehan the first thing he did was hit his snare really hard making Steve practically jump out of his skin. Then Steve turned to unknown young Bissonette and smiled. He got the gig.

So I guess another tip would be...

9. Pay attention

David Lee Roth - Eat Em & Smile
David Lee Roth - Skyscraper

Cool Site #14 - gbase.com

Gbase is a great site for gear hunting. It's connecting point of dealers from around the country. I entered "Gibson 335" and it yielded 206 results. "Fender Telecaster" resulted in 809. Most of the top vintage shops participate.

Bass Book

We homeschool and this year I'm teaching my son Jack how read bass. My friend and great bass player Ron Suffredini recommended this book....

The Evolving Bassist by Rufus Reid

I'll let you know how it goes as we get through the year.

Reading in the Studio

Just last week I got called for a quick session for a short film (10 minutes). Quick is my specialty. Between lower budgets and greater numbers of wannabe directors makes for many opportunities for the musician who can get things done in a timely manner.

Below is the lone chart for the session. A very simple melody in 3/4. But here's the rub: there was no click, it was suppose to be played free but in a call and response to a sparse vocal. So 120bpm was just a rough guide tempo. The composer wanted this melody on slide. And wanted options to pepper throughout the movie. First on acoustic with a slide, then on dobro with a slide and lastly on mandolin with a slide (that was my idea).

The first thing I did was memorize the melody. It's kind of difficult to play slide while staring at a chart. I like to lock in my pitches visually, as well as with the aid of a clip on tuner  - Intellitouch Tuner

The acoustic was in standard tuning, EADGBE. The dobro however was in open G, DGDGBD. And the Mandolin was in standard tuning, standard for a mandolin, GDAE. So the melody laid differently on each instrument. The composer wanted everything with lots of feeling and slide noise. Then we did passes on each instrument of just making random noises. All done in less than an hour so we had time to go to In-N-Out for lunch!

So get out your slide and read though this one!